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22 Classic Board Game Commercials More Fun Than Their Games
Two days later and we still have Super Bowl (commercial) fever. We've been on YouTube for days feeding our hunger for awesome Super Bowl ads new and old. And as we traveled further down the rabbit hole, we stumbled across some wonderfully over-the-top commercials from the '80s and early '90s--most of them promoting the SUCKIEST board games ever.
It seems as if every board game company from 1980 to 1996 spent 4 percent of their budget on developing the game and 96 percent on coming up with a kick-ass commercial. And the best part is how they all end with some snotty kid exclaiming, "I win!" But they never show the real outcome, which is one smug, happy child and three other kids crying and/or throwing pieces across the room.
Well today, everyone wins because we're rolling out the nostalgia trunk and have 22 awesome board game commercials from our childhood (or even before some of your were born).
Crossfire
This is still the gold standard for exciting board game commercials. That jingle gave us seven words and a lifetime of sing-alongs. Crossfire was the most fun way to get carpal tunnel pangs until we were old enough to masturbate.
Shark Attack
"Ya know what, let's dispense with this 'counting all the dots' nonsense and just do a color-coded die." This was not a fun game for your colorblind friend.
Thin Ice
The crappiest game ever made: The main components were marbles and a GD wet tissue.
Mouse Trap
If there's one thing kids love, it's meticulously constructing a Rube Goldberg machine. Since nobody ever actually finished putting the booby traps together, we always assumed this ad was documentary footage of the only time the game was actually played by real human children.
Tornado Rex
This was one of those overwrought games that the neighborhood "kid with all the cool toys" had. This kid also had one of those "Ghostbusters" proton packs and the Vortex Whistler.
Guess Who?
"Hey, you wanna sit across from each other and ask yes or no questions for 10 minutes? Nah, me neither." Awful game, but the commercial made it seem amazing--until the disclaimer kills the dream: "Game cards do not actually talk."
Connect Four
How come this one didn't have a disclaimer saying, "Game pieces do not actually talk"? WHY ARE YOU TOYING WITH CHILDREN'S EMOTIONS LIKE THAT?
Crocodile Dentist
This ad was effective because the children seem to be legitimately terrified of the biting crocodile. Milton Bradley always said, "Fear makes for the greatest board games." Milton Bradley the baseball player.
Splat!
Any game requiring clay is way too labor-intensive to be fun.
The Grape Escape
All the tediousness of Mouse Trap combined with the clay-molding delicateness of Splat! Nobody owned this game. Nobody.
Battleship
Explosion sound effects! Variable skill levels! An entire generation could've told you a movie version will never top the drama of this commercial.
Perfection
Perfection--um, is that the game title, or the title of this commercial? All the '90s hallmarks are here: cheesy CGI, a "kooky" voice, neon shirts under blue blazers and LOUD NOISES. If you needed any more proof that our attention spans are rapidly degrading, check out the much more subtle ad from a few years earlier.
Operation
Medical malpractice never seemed so wacky!
Jenga
TELL ME this commercial didn't make you want to grow up so you could go to cool adult parties like this! Well, now you can.
Stack-a-saurus Nex
The game in which you stacked multicolored tiles like so many Parker Brothers dinosaur puns. Also, this "Jenga For Kids" commercial starred the gingeriest ginger kid in all the land.
13 Dead End Drive
If Clue and Mouse Trap had a baby, it would be left in a basket on the steps of a monastery because nobody would want it.
Knockout
Are the cartoon characters just skater dudes who happen to be doing construction in their spare time? Or are they construction workers who skate to work?
Bed Bugs
You're a kid and you think bed bugs are just so hilarious and cute. Then you grow up and move to New York City. It's a metaphor for life, really.
Rock Jocks
This was another toy to cash in on kids' love of anything that stretches (see also: Silly Putty, Stretch Armstrong, jeans with elastic waistbands).
Loopin' Louie
Honestly, we don't remember this one and have no idea what the hell is going on here. Kind of like how our parents view "Louie."
Sorry!
If those anthropomorphized pieces were true to life, they'd be screaming "f*** you!" and flipping the board over.
Picnic Panic
Wouldn't you just love to be in the concept meetings for this crap?
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22 Classic Board Game Commercials More Fun Than Their Games
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Bed Bug Proof Laundry Bag – www.CorporateTravelSafety.com. – Video
27-04-2011 20:10 Bed Bug Laundry Bag - Available at http://www.CorporateTravelSafety.com. Bed Bug Proof Laundry Bags Travel is the number one method of spreading bed bugs! Protect your clothes and your home from bed bugs that may hitch hike back to your home. Experts concur that the most common way of spreading bed bug infestation is the transfer of bed bugs back to your home in your luggage and clothes while traveling. Did you know that Bed bugs can burrow into hidden seams and crevices of your suitcase and go without feeding for up to four months, causing infestation long after your return home? Don't unwittingly let these blood feeding bed bugs "hitchhike" a ride back to your home in your luggage whenever you travel. Whenever you venture away from the house with luggage in tow, be sure to include a Bed Bug Proof Laundry Bag as a standard part of your travel routine! It's a necessary element of any effective bed bug prevention strategy to safeguard your home and belongings from costly infestation.
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Bed Bug Proof Laundry Bag - http://www.CorporateTravelSafety.com. - Video
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Toronto council debates OMB, affordable housing funding & other issues
Toronto’s city council is debating a host of key measures over the next two days, but Monday's meeting was overshadowed by a looming transit showdown.
The council session began Monday morning. But before it began, Coun. Karen Stintz introduced a petition for a special council meeting to reconsider Transit City, which Mayor Rob Ford has all but killed. She and 23 councillors signed a petition calling for a special meeting Wednesday to debate light rail transit (LRT).
At the start of the two-day council meeting, councillors approved a proposal to remove Toronto from the Ontario Municipal Board’s (OMB) jurisdiction, and set up a local appeal body. The city will also ask the province to abolish the OMB.
“I don’t know any letters that rile my constituents more than OMB,” Coun. David Shiner said.
The OMB oversees planning and development in Ontario, and has been widely criticized for catering to developers.
The province can just “push off” those decisions that allow condominiums and go against the wishes of city council, Shiner argued.
“If you want respect for taxpayers, take away the OMB’s authority, because they do not have respect for taxpayers."
Coun. Kristyn Wong-Tam introduced the motion last year and Tweeted that "Mississauga unanimously voted for land use planning autonomy."
"If the OMB were abolished ... would there still be an appeal process?" Coun. Norm Kelly asked Monday.
"Yes, it would be an appeal to the courts. ... It might be a slower process, but not necessarily, " city solicitor Anna Kinastowski said.
Coun. Raymond Cho asked if abolishing the OMB could end up costing the city more money in the long run.
"It's a possibility," Kinastowski said.
Deputy mayor Doug Holyday suggested preparing a staff report, and questioned why there hadn’t been one requested in the first place.
“This is a major change,” Holyday said.
He introduced a motion asking for the city's chief planner and executive director to consider the proposal.
Coun. Peter Milczyn asked council to oppose Holyday's motion. The motion was denied.
Earlier, Coun. Mike del Grande, a Ford ally, tried to add a motion without prior notice to the agenda regarding councillors’ salaries. But it fell three votes shy of the 30 that was needed to get the motion added to the agenda.
Last week, it was reported that the mayor and councillors are due for a two per cent salary increase this year. The increase, built into the 2012 operating budget passed last month, is about $2,000 per councillor and is based on Statistics Canada’s consumer price index for Toronto.
At the time, Coun. Doug Ford said a motion would be put forward to refuse the raise and freeze salaries.
The mayor, who earned $167,770 last year, said he would not take the increase. Councillors earn $99,620 a year.
City council approved a proposal to close a section of Gould and Victoria streets, near Ryerson University, to vehicle traffic. The area had been closed to traffic as part of a pilot project for several months.
Councillors also approved, with amendments, a plan to allocate federal and provincial funding for affordable housing, as well as approved sign variance bylaws and filling vacant positions.
The city will also debate asking the province’s Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care for money to fight bed bugs. A strategy is expected to be in place by April 1.
Click here to see the meeting agenda.
To view a live stream of the meeting, click here.
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Toronto council debates OMB, affordable housing funding & other issues
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