How to live with bedbugs

joanne tilden From Wednesday's Globe and Mail Published Tuesday, Mar. 20, 2012 4:40PM EDT Last updated Tuesday, Mar. 20, 2012 4:53PM EDT

During a recent phone call with my mother, I mentioned the possibility of selling my new home, where I have lived for less than two years.

Once you get your bugs organized, you will be happy to have a house in downtown Montreal, my mother assured me.

I said nothing, but wondered how to organize bedbugs. Do you post miniature bulletins on the baseboards announcing fixed meal and bed times?

Just make sure not to leave any food lying around, my mother said.

But Mom, I am the food!

After that conversation, I began thinking about how indeed one should go about organizing ones bugs.

First thing is to come out of the bedbug closet. Tell everyone you know that you are infested. Otherwise you will never get any sympathy, and sympathy may be the only form of affection you receive for a very long time, so enjoy it.

Another advantage of sharing your plight with others is they will admire you for your bravery in dealing with such a formidable adversary. Remember, most people associate bedbugs with horror stories and macroscopic photos of the monsters injecting their enzymes into hapless victims (sometimes causing anaphylactic shock). If you just got a few minor bites on your shins and thats all, they will never know. Let them imagine the worst, and you will seem God-like in your equanimity.

I should add that not everyone endorses this approach, including my friend Christina. Stop telling people you have bedbugs! She thinks I should march back into the closet immediately.

See the original post:
How to live with bedbugs