By BETH J. HARPAZ    Associated Press  
      Anthony Melchiorri, host of "Hotel Impossible," is shown in      an undated photo provided by the Travel Channel. (AP photo)    
    If you think youre a picky hotel guest, check out the pet    peeves of Anthony Melchiorri, who critiques hotels for a living    and hosts a new show called Hotel Impossible on the Travel    Channel. Melchiorri is freaked out by dirty grout, hates    Internet fees and always checks hotel rooms for something he    almost cant bear to name.  
    On the show, which airs Monday nights (10 p.m. ET/PT),    Melchiorri advises hotels on how to improve everything from    facilities to service to decor with a goal of increasing sales.    Hes brought his in-your-face, can-do assessments to properties    ranging from Gurneys, a historic beachfront inn in Montauk in    the Hamptons, to a boutique hotel, The New Yorker, in Miamis    artsy MiMo district. This week, he visits the Purple Orchid in    California wine country.  
    Melchiorri has been in the hospitality business for 20 years    and has helped reposition storied Manhattan hotels like the    Plaza and the Algonquin. But he hasnt lost touch with what the    average traveler experiences in those first few minutes in a    hotel, and he shared that process with The Associated Press.  
     THE LOBBY: When I walk into a hotel, I want the illusion    that my stay is going to be perfect. I want to see the bellman    greet me. I want to see that the paint isnt chipping. I want    the front desk to engage me, treat me like a person, so that I    know any problem I may have, they will take care of me. By the    time I get to the elevator, Im already starting to be    comfortable.  
     BIGGEST FEAR: As soon as I walk in the room, I put my    luggage in the bathroom because thats the safest place away    from any insects. I say insects because I dont even want to    use the word. Now I inspect the bed. Im looking at the seams    of the mattress and headboard, end tables, the side of the bed.    Let me be clear: Most hotels dont have bed bugs. I have never    found a bed bug in a hotel. But I never put my luggage on the    bed, ever. And once I realize theres nothing living in the    bed, I look for a metal luggage rack and put my luggage on    that. (Metal repels bed bugs; they prefer wood.)  
     THE ROUTINE: I bolt the door to the room, and if    theres an adjoining room, I check the door to make sure that    room is locked. I cannot tell you how many times people have    walked in on me. I also look in the shower, sink and tiles for    dirty grout. I cant get in a shower with dirty grout, not even    in my own house. It freaks me out. Then I open up the ironing    board, I make sure its functional, I look to see that theres    no water in the iron and I put it in a corner of my room so    its ready to use. And then I unpack. ... I have a plastic    liner from the drycleaners and I put that in the drawer first.  
     THE EXHALE: Now that I know my room is clean, I can forget    that Im a germaphobe. I can forget that I didnt want to touch    the remote control. If the hotel does its job, and gives me the    illusion that its perfect, then my defenses go down. But if    theres a dirty hallway or a light bulb is out or an employee    was rude to me, then my cootie-ometer is up.  
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Hotel pet peeves